Даниела и Михаил

Ако ви се случва да отидете натам, тази статия в kuro5hin.org може да ви е всъщност от полза. Човекът си го е написал:

There is no good reason to do so but if you come to the United States this year there are a few good tips to keep in mind. Write them down and keep them handy. The most important thing to do is to refer to them often.

• We are a nation of self-righteous do-gooders. There is no limit to our belief that the world revolves around the United States and the world needs us. The ultimate example of this of course is the war in Iraq. We are in the middle of The-War-On-Everything that we don’t like. Please keep this in mind if you ask for assistance with something, especially directions.
• It is true that we are a nation of drug addicts. We try to hide this by spending more money on "The War On Drugs" than most nations spend on welfare. In fact, "The War On Drugs" IS a form of welfare to the countries of Central and South America. Do not be shocked when you see the throngs of crack whores, pimps and housewives laying around on the streets of large metropolitan areas stoned and raped.
• Remember that we are a nation originally founded on the principles of Puritanism. This means that you must be very careful about where and when you have oral sex, sodomy or other known sexual perversions that most Americans can’t define but know when they see it. Most Americans only know one sexual position…the missionary position. This will seem strange to Europeans since most Europeans quit practicing a faith a generation ago. It is something you must tolerate.
• Getting immersed in American culture first hand will disappoint you tremendously. AM and FM radio is no place to learn our culture. If you listen to music on the radio long enough you will want to slit your throat it is so bad. No matter where you go it will sound like you are listening to the same station over and over. It won’t matter what part of this large country you are at it will always sound like the same tired crap. In order to avoid this, you will be wise to bring your own music. Should you make the mistake of listening to AM radio you will find yourself scratching your head wondering why all the talk shows hired Nazis from the Third Reich.
• Watching TV this summer, especially the evening news, will make you scratch your head even more. It will seem to you that our presidential elections are just around the corner when in fact the elections are over a year away. The candidates everyone are talking about now will not even be in the presidential race come November 2008 when the actual elections are held.
• We are a nation of two languages English and Spanish. If you know either one you will do fine. The Mexican government ignored the Treaty of Guadalupe and finally won the war. Stay as far away as possible from the U.S.-Mexican border this is where a "War-On-Something" is going on and of course we are losing that one too.
• As you travel about the country, you will find our automotive habits very odd. Everything we drive guzzles gas. The most unusual sight will be the muscle cars that are still being driven around. It is a contest to see who will put the last drop of gasoline in their gas tank. The pinnacle of gas guzzling are NASCAR races…the largest spectator sport in the world. Here you will see how fast gas guzzling occurs and how well everyone ignores diminishing oil reserves.
• You will notice that many Americans are FAT especially those on public assistance. Once I asked an African from Ethiopia why he wanted to live in the U.S. of all places. His response was, "Because even the poorest people in America are fat." It takes some getting use to. It’s the result of our "War-On-Poverty" back in the 1960s.
• You will be puzzled by the term States’ Rights and most Americans are too. The best example of States’ Rights is that our public education system is NOT CONTROLLED by the Federal government but individual states, local towns and cities. This is the direct result of the "War-On-Ignorance". We also have a firm belief that everyone should have a college education whether or not they can read or write. The best example of this are our college athletes. Look at me, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. Most Europeans could graduate from Harvard in two years instead of the four years it takes most Americans.
• Most foreign visitors to the U.S. will be shocked by what Americans call old. You will hear things like "This church is two hundred years old" and "when this country was founded, over two hundred years ago…." etc. Again you will find yourself scratching your head.

Finally, people will think you talk funny. Keep in mind however that it is the Americans that talk funny.

Oh and one last thing: don’t take trains or buses, they aren’t what you think they are. Enjoy your stay!

А пълноценната общност в сайта е добавила към горното с още много полезни допълнения:

• I have traveled throughout the U.S. and found it to be a most friendly and beautiful country. I guess what I found to stand out, is that Americans are a very proud people. Proud of who they are. You see flags on many houses and cars, state flags and national flags. You don’t see this in other countries I have visited. And don’t get me started on those accents, especially the Southern ones!
• the one spoken by the aforementioned fat lazy public assistance consumers. Niggerish. Even if you speak english AND spanish, you will be fucked trying to understand more than 2 or 3 words of any sentence of niggerish (and the ones you will understand will be bitch, fuck, and shit). It is most common in the coastal areas.
• Yes, we Americans love our guns, but even so when we say ’shoot’ we’re just using slang. It means ‘go ahead’. You can quit ducking and looking around for a gunman in panic. Rest assured that if we really want to shoot you then we won’t give any warning which means you’ll be blissful in your ignorance of danger right up to the point when your brains get splattered all over the wall.
• Speaking of getting shot, make sure you have all your medical needs taken care of before entering the US cause god knows you won’t get your medical needs taken care while you’re here.
• Don’t talk to Americans about politics. We don’t care and might think you’re one of those worthless fancy ass college educated intellectual bastards. The only reason we know there are other countries besides the US is that all our products are stamped ‘Made in (some shithole of a country here)’. So don’t even try mentioning the UN, Darfur, Israel, Iran, North Korea, etc; we just don’t give a damn. As for US politics, well, there’s a reason less than 50% of us bother to vote.
• A fag is not a cigarette. Don’t bother asking anyone to lend you one. There’s a slim but very disturbing chance someone might actually lend a fag.
• It’s pronouced ‘z’ not ‘zed’. On a similar note, when writing just delete about half the of the letter Us in your words. It doesn’t matter which U’s you delete, even if you don’t end up with the right spelling for American English you’ll still probably be closer to correct than American high school students spelling.
• If you aren’t in New York City then don’t ask about public transit. It doesn’t exist. Sure, we pretend there’s some elsewhere but trust me, it doesn’t fucking exist.
• Despite what our media shows, ‘What’s up nigger’ is not a proper greeting unless you yourself happen to be a nigger.
• The Dukes of Hazard lies, our police are nothing like that. They have much better aim for one thing. Go rewatch the Rodney King beating if you want an accurate representation of our police.
• Do not drink the beer unless it is sold in quantities no greater than a six-pack. Guinness will taste different.
• That funny aftertaste in the food is something we call preservatives. We put it there so we don’t have to go to the grocer as often.
• For some reason, people get fatter the further you go from the coasts.
• Unless it says baked or grilled, it’s fried, which is to say it is cooked by immersing it in boiling oil. Yes, this applies to vegetables too.
• Do not attempt to smoke indoors. You will be shot by people concerned about your health.
• You may hear sudden explosions. Do not worry; it’s just bored teenagers.
• Avoid shopping malls. If you must enter one, make ample use of your preferred seditive beforehand. If you find yourself sobering up inside, ask a helpful Customer Service Representative (anyone wearing a nametag) where the nearest Applebees is. Order a margherita or three.
• People won’t get out of the speed lane even if they’re going slow. You will have to pass them on the right (in the US, that’s abnormal).
• Folks will smile at you, even people working in gas stations or at waffle house. They’ll talk about the weather or bum you a cigarette.
• People will hold doors open for you if your arms are full.
• People will return your mis-placed wallet to you, with nothing missing.
• People really, really like bowling out here. A lot. The alleys are packed on weeknights. They have leagues for that shit.
• People will look you in the eye, perfect strangers will nod as they pass.
• Beautiful women can be found in even the smallest shithole towns, amazingly.
• There are a lot of fat people, but they are usually happy.
• For the forriners, the US-Mexico border is approximately the southern half of Texas, and California and most of Arizona and New Mexico. The border zone creeps north at a rate of about 15-20 miles/yr.
• In the US, water is the only safe thing to drink.  The beer will cause immediate vomiting; the iced tea will cause epilepsy; the coffee will cost far too much; and anything labeled "pop", "soda", or "soft drink" will give you diabetes in a few weeks.  (Unless it’s "diet soda", in which case it will give you cancer.)
• As you approached the Mexican border and signs started to indicate Km as well as Mi that the conversion rate used was obviously 1) wrong and 2) variable. The Mi value was correct, the alternative Km value was almost always wrong. Is this a ploy to get tourists lost so we are tempted to buy more American flags, Indian Artifacts, weak beer and hamburgers ?
• Smaller country towns are far better than any city and I’ve found most people go out of their way to make you feel welcome.

Have Fun!